I had never wanted anything so badly as I wanted that man in my bed! Just once. What would it hurt?I knew what it would hurt. It couldn’t be just once. It could very likely destroy my wonderful marriage. My emotions were drowning me. I had to get out of there. “Excuse me, I have to use the restroom,” hoping that my voice hadn’t given me away.I leaned against the lavatory, the door locked. I wanted so desperately to pull my panties off and plunge my fingers inside myself, but it felt like it would be a betrayal to my husband. I stood there until I felt like I had regained some control and checked myself in the mirror. I couldn’t believe that that sultry woman looking out from the mirror was me. I’d never looked like that before. The makeup I’d gotten from that store had done its job. So had the perfume. And the dress. God!I walked back to the table, confidently, not shaking like I was still feeling. I smiled when I sat down, “Much better,” I announced to no one in particular. I. Jackie is who I'm thinking about and have thought about for all of this time. Yeah, I guess you'd say I'm lamenting not over what didn't but could have happened.With Jackie, as I mentioned, it was not what happened but didn't because of our body parts not meeting where our dent's in and out. I think of her often, more often than Kathy. I wonder how it might have been and actually, still dream about how it might have been. It's one of those 'If Only" moments in my life.But I only mention my first and not so first times as background to my moving into the more adult realm. And of course to emphasize how powerful a life changing event can be.In addition to that, what about the life changing events that affect our lives but we just don't have any knowledge about. They happen. Our lives change but we don't know what the event was or even ultimately even know about them. They just go on and perhaps we never know.This story is about just one such event that happened to me, way back when. A.
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